Bigfoot Is My Dream Man: Part 2.

The big finale! Click here to catch up on the relationship.

The next morning, I woke up at the crack of dawn to go to the gym with my friend and my mom. I woke up to a text from P saying that he didn’t want to start the morning off heavy but there was some things he wanted to get off his chest.

K cool. Was up?

I went off to pick up my friend, the one who had told me to ask him out in the first place. As I was driving, I wasn’t paying too much attention to my phone. I skimmed the messages as they came in, but nothing too concerning jumped out at me.

I was waiting for my friend to come to the car and I got a message saying he wasn’t sure about my comment about me loving his cat more than I love him. If it was a joke, it wasn’t funny. If it was serious, that makes it worse. I shouldn’t say things like that.

My friend gets in the car and I relay this to her. She thinks it’s hilarious. Because it is. I’m funny. I know this. I have a dark, dry sense of humor, but this was obviously not meant to be taken seriously.

Next he said that my comment about Bigfoot being my dream man made him feel small and worthless. Like I am purposely trying to hurt him. He thought he was my dream man. Or am I just settling for him?

Sweetie, you know Bigfoot is a fictional beast, don’t you?

I apologized for my joke not landing. I did not mean for him to take it that way.

By now I was at the gym and my phone was in my locker. Afterwards, I saw the long ass messages and left them for later. I dropped my friend off, who agreed he was being oversensitive and went home to get ready for work.

He said he knows I joke around and it can be cute (I know, I’m adorable) but if that is how it’s going to be, he may feel differently about me. He would NEVER say something like that to me. I just did it to get a reaction. (I did. That’s why you tell jokes.) He doesn’t know if that is just what I do in relationships or if it was part of my personality. He would never ask me to change who I am (ya kinda are). But he will not put up with me playing mind games, and he does not want that in his life.

REALLY?!?! Really…

I said again that they were just jokes. This is who I am. If I’m not teasing you, I don’t like you. I can respect when something comes across as hurtful, and that is never how I mean it. Unless it is. But you will know the difference.

He likes jokes, and he will make them just as much as I do (I don’t think he had made one by this point.) What I said had just been cruel.

Cruel?! It was CRUEL??

Cruel was going too far. This is where I tapped out. Maybe it wasn’t the funniest joke of all time. But cruel was going too far. I went into full passive-aggressive mode.

I apologized for making him feel that way and said I would be more mindful of what I say. But now I was out for blood.

I showed up at work and my friend could instantly tell I was worse off than I had been earlier. I spent the rest of the day crafting The Letter.

A little backstory: I have written every guy of significance in my life a letter. With one exception. It’s usually at some point in the breakup. It’s how I get my feeling out. I can say what I want, uninterrupted. I have made guys cry with what I have said.

I have done enough time going through self-help stuff to know not to be accusatory in your language. Say "‘I feel like” instead of “you did this”. So I was very careful in writing this thing. It took all day. And the help of 3 friends. I refused to be made out to be the bad guy. He needed to grow a pair.

He had texted me halfway through the day and I wasn’t ready for it yet. I was going to wait until I got home and could give this battle my undivided attention.

(Isn’t it great how I’m thinking of it as a battle with the guy that I’m dating?")

He said he missed me and asked how my day was. I said it was okay, I had done a lot of thinking. And I sent him The Letter.

I said that I would leave him with that for the night and we could talk about it in the morning, as it was a lot to take in (according to him).

I woke up in the morning to 6 and a half screens of text. SIX AND A HALF SCREENS.

To sum it up… He understood what I was saying and respected it. He wouldn’t ask me to change but he thinks I should be more mindful of the things that I say or how I say them. Maybe say that it was a joke immediately after saying it.

He can be sensitive. He loves me just the way I am and the person that he knows that I am. (I don’t think that you do…) He’s looking forward to getting to know everything about me. He loves that I know what I want and he respects me for it. He likes having his own time and can do things by himself.

BUT he’s not the most independent guy. He understands that I don’t want to be someone’s entire world, and he feels the same. But not in the same way I do.

Then you don’t…

He wants to share everything and get to know everything about one another. He wants to be part of someone’s life. That is very important to him.

I did not say that I did not want that! That is not what I said!

He took it as I wanted to keep my work life or friends life separate and not tell him anything about it. He seems to think that I do not value honesty.

He has had more than enough time to process his last relationship. He still carries that pain and is not sure when that will go away. He doesn’t need time. He is ready for something serious. But he will always be sensitive.

He will always overthink things and need clarification. He can take a joke but what I said was not a no filter joke. They were attacks on him. And that is not a joke! Maybe I should fiter myself. Or consider other people’s feelings. If not for him, then for the other people in my life.

He does not need time. But if I think I need more time then I probably do.

I did not waste his time. He got to feel like what it was to be in love again, even if it was one sided. And because he is still very much in love, he can’t handle being friends.

I am one of a kind and someone will be very lucky to have me.

So I have heard…

Somehow I still ended up being the bad guy. But at this point, I did not care. The boy had too much emotional baggage and absolutely no willingness to be open to constructive criticism. He was complete unselfaware. That is just too much for me to handle. I can be the guy in the relationship, but this guy was far too much of a girl for me.

And the sexy times were questionable. So there was no real loss.